While my friend Matan is not the healthiest eater in the world, he does know a few restaurants that have healthy options. Texas Roadhouse was not one of them. (Personally I've noticed that my blog has featured some less "high-quality" restaurants. I have also noticed that I enjoy posting much more.) Anyway, walking in we heard music from the likes of Johnny Cash and Dolly Parton. It was vaguely refreshing. The floor was dusty with cracked and treaded-upon peanuts. This provided good and bad options. the bad was that it was rather easy to slip, and the good was that it was even easier to moonwalk. A few of the people there looked like the kind of people you would want on a bear hunting trip in Denali. With their wives and pubescent children.
We sat down, and our charming waitress Linda came to take our order. Linda was a middle aged woman who was actually quite attractive. She called everyone darling, and she seemed a naturally born Texan. I ordered an eight ounce steak with mushrooms and cheese. Some of the other orders included: ribs, barbecue chicken, a Cesar salad, chicken wings, tater skins, and jalapeno-cheese poppers. The jalapeno poppers were excellent and flavorful and I had three. Many firsts took place in this meal. It was the first time I had ever eaten jalapeno/cheese poppers, it was the first time that I had ever had tater skins with bacon and cheese, and it was the first time that I ever had, yes, chicken wings. All were tasty and unhealthy. All of the courses were excellent as far as I could tell, apart from my steak. It was dry and salty, as were the fries.
At the end of the night my mother got to ride on a saddle because we had lied to Linda, and told her that it was my mother's birthday. However, I was not surprised. Hoping to withhold some of our decency, we left without dessert, even though "Mom's big brownie" sounded tasty. I really enjoyed this meal, and I would really enjoy returning to Texas Roadhouse one day in the near future. I give Texas Roadhouse a 7.1/10. So, in spirit of the Texas Roadhouse's catch-phrase, "Saddle-Up!"
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3 comments:
Julian, this is by far your most hilarious review. I think down-scale restaurants are better suited to your literary talents if not you palate. Of course, back in the homeland (TX), a steak restaurant is NOT considered down-scale.
Love, Grampy
Julian, you make me laugh. I just finished reading the entries on your new blog, and your latest here. Your voice is coming through, and it's refreshingly surprising and funny. I envy how freely you're giving yourself to your readers. It's taken me months to post a comment, and I've been a fan that long!
Lana
Thankfully, I could enjoy this meal with you without actually being in Texas again. I LOVED my BBQ chicken and baked tater, but yes, the jalapeno poppers were the best! Well, actually, your posting is even better than anything I ate that night - thank you for your fun essays. Love, Bubby
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